first lets start off with a few random thoughts:

i'm a big fan of starbucks' "pick of the week". i've got a nice stack sitting upon my "desk" (which is actually a big tub covered by a sheet) and i have to say, the past three are wonderful. right now amy mcdonald's "run" is filling up the room...go and get her pick of the week, it's worth it :].

second random side note: if anyone knows how to make my page look more personal, ie helping me with html and graphic designs so i don't have to use a template, i'd be most appreciative.

now for the good stuff.

i'm realizing more and more that it's important to live one day at a time. carpe diem. i've been so forward focused for so long that it's hard to bring my eyes down enough to see the day i'm in. because i spend much of my time worrying about if i'm doing what God wants me to (long term) i miss these little events that i could use to bring Him glory. for example, the other day i went into a local surf/skate shop, 158, to see if they'd hang up prints of my paintings. after the guy told me he'd be sure to hang them up and put me in the database i thanked him and walked out the door. not five feet outside it hit me, i should have stayed in there, asking him what his name was, if he's lived around here long, etc... strike up a conversation and a possible friendshp... but did i turn around? no. i just kept walking back to southern bean to talk with joy. that's my only excuse, i wanted to get back to furthering my friendship with her. a rock and a hard place. i'm an idiot.

lesson learned? definatly.

i'm also seeing that i need to be more greatful for where i am in my life. again, this is another lesson of just enjoying the day, the moment, the season you are in. the chilly fall air brought me back down to earth. i sat on the porch, curled up in our hammock looking at the cloudless blue sky with that intoxicating fall air blowing upon my cheecks. i realized that i've been so blind to where i'm at in life right now. though i still neively worry about where i should really be at this point in my life i sat there and soaked it up. and wondered, is there really ONE place i should be right now? i think i've been asking the wrong questions.

it's also hit me that i've been keeping a tally of what i've been "accomplishing" for God. that gets a nice big eye roll. i started re-reading The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning today and the first chapter spoke of how we can't do ANYTHING to deserve our place in God's eyes. I felt ashamed of being envious of those with paid ministerial roles. ...a can of worms...to open or not to open? maybe not quite yet.

actually, i might be able to get out my thoughts a little better if i just start posting quotes:

"many Christians live as if it is only personal discipline and self-denial that will mold the perfect me. the emphasis is on what I do rather than what God is doing. in this curious process God is a benign old spectator in the bleachers who cheers when i show up for morning quite time."

"[God] has a single relentless stance toward us: He loves us"

"The Good News means we can stop lying to ourselves...it keeps us denying that though Christ was victorious, the battle with lust, greed and pride still rages within us...God not only loves me as i am, but also knows me as i am. because of this i don't need to apply spiritual cosmetics to make myself presentable to Him. i can accept ownership of my poverty and powerlessness and neediness."

k i'm feeling extra distracted right now...time i'm off.