i sit here putting off cleaning the apartment. we've been gone nearly all of the last few days so it's as if our dressers have exploded onto the floor. it's not that i am putting it off because i don't like cleaning (cause i'm a weirdo and love to clean and organize my "living areas"... though my parents could argue that ;]). i've got a lot on my mind currently so since i'm once again left to myself this shall be my outlet.

i'm not feeling too keen on this new job. and that thought alone makes me feel guilty. the church provided me a job at a local bookstore which is owned by one of the three elders. though the job will be easy and flexible with my internship there are parts of the job that make me uneasy. i'm suppsed to tell customers stories to keep them in the store. if they ask me about a book i'll look up on our "database" which is actually amazon.com and tell them whether or not i've seen the book. all in all, i'm not a salesperson. while ron (the owner/elder) was describing to me the ways to keep the people in the store i had flashbacks to mr. mcbride at those horrible weeks at the furniture store. the thoughts made my stomach do summersaults. i've never been a fan for working at family owned businesses...so this one shall be an experience. i hope a good one.

please pray that i find another part time job. i'm trying to find cleaning gigs but it will only be determined by what my work schedule with the bookstore looks like. primarily all the cleaning gigs are for saturdays from noon till four. and i think i'm gonna have to work then. oh. i just need to trust God. i have this conflict of the mind all the time.

i still can't get past all the blessings of being here though. which i think is where i should be mentally. two nights ago i went with jo beth's youth group to this youth rally type thing. it was about an hour or so away so on our way home we stopped at sonic and everyone sat outside on the picnic tables. i sat with jo, matt, dakota and brandy. sitting there with these guys i felt right at home. we were joking, jabbing, laughing and carrying on. this whole group of people (from sonrise ((jo beth's church))) make me feel real comfortable. it's rare that i can find situations that i can let my guard down and just be myself; i've been burnt too much.

i enjoyed yesterday quite a bit. jo beth and i remembered that the piers have webcams. i gave my parents a call and told them to keep an eye on one and we headed to nags head pier. it was so much fun hearing them carry on as they saw us on shore. after i got off with them rachel called and she and doug watched us for a while. :] it was good times. and the water and air was perfect. jo and i looked for shells to make into jewelry and sat on the shore for a while just basking in being there. after that we hung out for the rest of the day at her family's house where i've pretty much been initiated into the family :].

i'm very anxious to have some visitors. so far the only for sure visitor will be alex in about a month. our friend jessica is about four hours away which makes her the closest friend, we're going to try to see her somehow.

ok i think that's enough stalling. time to clean!
i'm going to enjoy music by jon foreman (the lead singer of switchfoot.... this solo ep's are incredible) and let my mind chill.