this entire process of figuring out am i supposed to move soon or stay longer on the outer banks has caused me to ask myself a lot of tough questions and realize that i have a lot of baggage. honestly there's stuff that i didn't see as baggage. yes, I'm that naive.

i think about leaning one way then i'll lean another. i've had to stop and say okay, why do i feel like this needs to happen? i started writing all my questions down because not only do know i need answers but i also feel they'll also help me see the work God's doing in me through all of this down the road.

my realizations scare me. i see these things in me that are ugly. i have struggles deep down inside that i've never been willing to admit to myself because i'm a "good girl" who doesn't do anything wrong. bs.

BUT in the midst of all of this i keep being reminded that its only in God timing, His peace, His strength, His provision and His love that anything can be fixed...i can be fixed. i have this nasty habit of trying to fix myself and my life on my own. i don't know why it has to be so dang hard to let the CREATOR OF ALL THINGS take care of me. the tiniest sliver of fear can keep a mountain of growth from happening. i let my sliver of fear overshadow my mustard seed of faith.

i want to rest in the Lord. i NEED it. because i'm slipping farther and farther into this depression.